By Aulah Najjuuka
To the typical Ugandan stereotype, stalking by definition takes on a sarcastic social norm nowadays. It sounds fancy to recklessly brag on social media or whatsoever about that guy you might have humiliated for trying to hit on you. Worse still you might have inflated his pumped-up ego by embarrassing and shaming him at every opportunity you get.
To the girls you might be the heroine trampling down men who want a piece of beautiful personality so badly that they would do anything to prove their undying affection. Be careful on how you turn down these men or break off a failed relationship. Do it tactfully so as not spark off flares. If you don’t, you just might have to contend with your worst nightmare.
Stalking is ‘no joke’ as famous boxing champion Moses Golola puts it. It usually comes crawling with retributory consequences such as eventual death, an acid spill or a house breaking. Who knows?
So have you been stalked before or do you know someone who has been stalked? Today I am taking the pleasure to enlighten you on the know-hows to stalking and how to manage such unpleasantly discomforting scenarios.
Behavioral experts define stalking characteristics such as repeated surveillance directed at a person, unwanted attention and intrusiveness, inducement of fear and discomfort to the victim. For instance, it could be normal to receive deliveries or packages to your home or hostel. On the other hand an anonymous one may be sent over with disturbing contents like mail from an unknown sender or a weird material gift.
To the typical human mind that should be frightening enough to cause you alarm. As a vigilant reflex such threats should be taken seriously. Report immediately to the relevant authorities, most probably the police in case you feel endangered by the stalker.
Comparatively, most studies show that women are at greater risk of being victims of stalking than men. When it points to relationships, findings show that women tend to be stalked by ex-partners while men tend to be stalked by strangers or acquaintances. More concerning is that women are ten times more likely to be physically assaulted by their stalkers than men.
As emotional instinct, it’s understandable that moving on may prove to be difficult. You may go as far as secretly tracking your ex’s social media activity. Please stop.
The downside to this obsession for someone who isn’t yours anymore is that it may intensify into psychopathic tendencies or delusion. On how to best handle stalking Womensavers.com advises you to adopt the following tips.
- End the relationship on clear terms. Any other way that leaves the message open to interpretation will keep your stalker closer. Remember, stalkers have this hopeful illusion of a possible chance at relationship.
- Gather all the evidence but don’t tamper with it. Make sure you save those never ending texts, emails, gifts for the police or anyone in charge. Document everything as this will be easy for you to explain to the authorities in case you feel like you are in danger.
- No contact. Contact to the stalker translates his mind into a relationship.
- No response. Inactiveness wards off persistence. Also remove most of your personal information from social media, I know this might seem quite hard right now in this technological era but try as much as possible to seem invisible to your stalker.
- Always do safety checks on your place of residence checking for unlocked doors, windows, peep holes etc.
- Do not attack your stalker unless provoked either physically or verbally or else he might sue you instead or harm you and claim it was self-defense.
In the legal perspective, some laws actually require that a threat is made before the alleged stalker can be prosecuted. It should be proven beyond reasonable doubt that the behavior of the stalker induced fear for the victim. “ If a stalking victim wants to get the authorities involved, he or she has to make sure she has proof of endangerment or threats so as to get a warranty of arrest,” says Tumukunde Tony, UCU Alumni Association Speaker.
Nevertheless I plead to you all to be each other’s keeper come this Trinity semester and break silence on stalking. It could ruin your life and altogether your interpersonal relationships. Honestly, we all deserve a semblance of normalcy and peace so as to freely enjoy our personal lives and stalking shouldn’t steal that way from us.
In as much as beauty in its fragile tenderness may be appreciated by many admirers, only one person gets to take the prized cow home. We should learn to take in defeat with good faith and let people be. Disappointment is merely collateral damage in life so don’t fuss so much about it and end up stalking people.
I wish you all peaceful and fruitful relationships this semester and all year long. In case you feel like you are being stalked or being made uncomfortable by anyone , please reach out to the UCU Community Police Station and the counseling department.
