By Dickson Tumuramye
Every family faces challenges, and each family is unique in its own way. People have different perspectives and experiences, which means conflicts are sometimes inevitable. It is not easy for individuals to live together without disagreements, misunderstandings, or disputes. However, conflicts can be healthy when properly managed, as they help us recognise our strengths and weaknesses and can lead to personal and relational growth.
One common mistake families make is avoiding conflict resolution or delaying addressing issues. Conflicts often arise from poor communication, jealousy, malice, backbiting, parental favouritism, income disparities, changes in status, unequal distribution of family property, sibling rivalry, and interference from in-laws.
Strategies for Managing Family Conflicts
Recognise the Problem
The first step in managing family conflicts is to identify the root cause of the issue and acknowledge its impact. Family members must be willing to confront the problem and take action toward resolving it. This requires open-mindedness, mutual respect, and a genuine commitment to finding a solution that benefits all involved.
Maintain Open Communication
Conflict resolution starts with honest and respectful communication. Family members should feel free to express their emotions and concerns without attacking or hurting others. Misunderstandings often escalate when individuals fail to communicate openly or spread rumours instead of directly addressing issues.
The Bible offers wisdom on handling conflicts in Proverbs 15:1. “A gentle answer turns away wrath, but a harsh word stirs up anger.” This reminds us that unresolved conflicts can lead to deeper divisions and negative consequences. Timely discussions prevent prolonged resentment.
Exercise Self-Control
During conflicts, emotions may run high, leading to outbursts of anger, harsh words, or even physical altercations. It is crucial to practise self-control and avoid making rash decisions that could worsen the situation. Instead of resorting to shouting, threats, or violence, take deep breaths, remain calm, and choose words carefully to de-escalate tension. Ephesians 4:26-27: “And don’t sin by letting anger control you. Don’t let the sun go down while you are still angry. Don’t give room to the devil.” This calls for immediate action as well as controlling our anger and conflict management.
Prioritise Peace and Harmony
The Bible advises in Romans 12:18: “If it is possible, as far as it depends on you, live at peace with everyone.” Living in peace requires intentionality, choosing to resolve conflicts instead of fuelling them. Identifying potential triggers early and addressing them calmly can prevent issues from spiralling out of control.
Involve Other Family Members or Authorities
Matthew 18:15 says, “If your brother or sister sins, go and point out their fault, just between the two of you.” If a conflict becomes too difficult to handle alone or between the two of you, it may be necessary to involve trusted family members, such as elders, siblings, or parents, who can mediate and facilitate reconciliation. However, if the issue remains unresolved at the family level, it may require external intervention from local leaders (LCs), community elders, religious leaders, or even legal authorities like police and courts where justice is necessary.
Seek Counselling or Mediation Services
Certain conflicts may cause significant emotional distress, leading to anxiety, depression, or estrangement among family members. If emotions become overwhelming, professional counselling or mediation can help restore relationships. Mental health is a crucial aspect of well-being, and unresolved family conflicts can negatively impact emotional stability. Seeking counsel
