By Dickson Tumuramye
Emotional abuse is a common practice that almost everyone goes through in life. But some people may not know how they emotionally abuse others. We have parents who are harsh, toxic, strict and use humiliating or critiquing words. They yell and constantly shout at their children or spouses all the time. Somehow, this creates fear amongst children and the rest.
Other parents are not necessarily tough, but they never care about their families. This to creates emotional abuse.
Children who are raised in fear of their abusive parents can never be very free with them.
Children can never confide in them if they have any pressing issues. They hardly appreciate a parent’s character. They may not even share their feelings with their daddy/mummy so that he/she can change. We still have parents who are well educated, professional, and well exposed but still abuse their children emotionally.
We need to understand that emotional abuse can occur in any family at any time and at any age. Don’t we still have parents who belittle their children, even in front of other people, as being stupid, incompetent, foolish, and all sorts of abusive words?
When children are raised on a diet of abuse, harshness, negative criticism, mistreatment, and judgment, they may never have any good things to appreciate about themselves except self-rejection and low self-esteem. They too can be abusive in a defensive manner. This can occur even in their adulthood because that is how they were raised and fed.
Emotional abuse may be invisible, but it leaves deep scars on its victims, and this may have a negative lasting impact on your child. Emotional abuse doesn’t leave a physical mark but can have long-term negative effects on a child’s social, spiritual, emotional, cognitive, and mental health and development.
Such children find it hard to express their feelings and control their emotions, and some grow up with too much bitterness. Some people struggle to form and maintain friendships, while others are easily abused in seemingly love relationships with the opposite sex due to their vulnerability. Others can become manipulative and have a controlling or possessive attitude.
We need to know that children who are emotionally abused often get stressed and traumatized and carry this into adulthood. Many have self-esteem problems, and others find it difficult to live with their parents or guardians. Unfortunately, such abusive parents don’t even realize that their actions are hurtful and can result in harmful consequences.
It’s good for parents to set strict rules because they fear for their children’s safety; they don’t think that their children can do it for themselves, or even stay in control or bring about the desired outcome they would love to see. Therefore, being strict is okay, but this should not turn into abuse of our children.
One important thing I have learned in this world is to know myself very well, especially my inner abilities, which no one else knows except me. We should try to help our children recognize self-awareness and self-discovery so that even when they are abused, their inner man will always speak positive words to them, boosting their self-esteem and emotional safety.
As parents, we can guard our own children against all sorts of abuse. Do not put your children through the same abuse that you were put through by your parents or anybody else. This will help us raise children who are healthy in all aspects of life.
They will lose trust and confidence in you. Don’t use threatening language when resolving conflicts or disciplining children. Never curse your child because you may not be in charge of their future. They have a God who has good plans for them, plans to prosper them but not to harm them; yet you may not know that (Jeremiah 29:11). Limit the negative words you use in front of your children. They are not necessary.
Love your children unconditionally regardless of their disappointments and behavior. You are a mirror to your children. What you invest in them today is what they will portray tomorrow. Learn to forgive, however much you feel you are fed up with your child.
Always use positive and affirmative words. They touch your child’s inner spirit. Not everything you do goes unnoticed by your children; one day they will appreciate your advice, and they will remember how you shaped them into who they are.
Emotional abuse destroys your child’s ability to appreciate and value himself or herself. But also, others become so resilient and when they thrive, you may never get a chance to remain in their lives in their old age.
