By Dickson Tumuramye
It doesn’t matter how old your child is; he or she needs your attention. Attending to an individual child is when you exclusively decide to deal with each child independently for a given period of time. This relationship between individual children can be established at any level. However, the best time to start is when the child is still young. You can bend a tree in any direction when it is young.
This enables you to understand and groom that child better. The child, too, gets an opportunity to understand you and give you his or her worldview every time you meet. It creates space for a child to express his or her emotions more deeply and freely than if they were in a group of siblings. It helps address individual children’s needs. You can discover unique insights the child has about himself or herself or you.
There is bonding that helps you get deeper into each other’s lives. Some parents or children have found prayer or accountability partners in such relationships.
Children find great friendship in their parents and can always open up easily. Therefore, it’s imperative as parents to value such moments by ensuring that in your calendar, each child has time to be with Daddy or Mommy. If you are the kind of parent who favors one child over another, they will tell you in such a one-to-one connection. This may not be apparent if you take them as a whole. A child who feels dejected and segregated can have their biases addressed.
Some children, by the way, have very complicated personalities that, even if you do your best, they may never appreciate. It’s still better to do your part, and you’ll never blame yourself in any situation.
Quality time for each child raises their self-esteem and self-confidence because they understand your position in their lives. There are special words you will find yourself using in that child’s life. These words may not be easy to convey when you are always together as a family. In such moments of individual attention, never miss the opportunity to pray with your child. You are the first priest in that child’s life and the number one prophet. Declare and decree a thing, and it shall be established (Job 22:28).
Do you know that there are parents who never get time to speak to their children one-on-one in their lives? The only opportunity that avails itself is when he or she is giving counsel. Sometimes, when you begin a discussion, the child already has an end in mind. And if, by chance, this child is stubborn, he or she may not pay adequate attention to your words because they are inherently biased. The child is like, I already knew what this person would tell me. Thus, regular engagements between the two of you may yield better results.
If you are a very busy parent and creating time is a challenge, plan with your children a schedule for each, and once it’s time, make the most of it. Also, be intentional to see that such a time occurs. Don’t put other engagements aside. If it’s inevitable, reschedule but maintain consistency.
Such engagements should be done differently and in different places with different planned activities. The planning could be done jointly, or you can surprise this person once in a while. You don’t need to hang out in very expensive places, and it may not necessarily be about eating. It could be a walk-talk moment, it could be a drive-together time to somewhere, it may be a sit-down discussion, it may come when only the two of you are cooking together while having your time, you may choose to visit a certain place with a friend or relative, it may involve going out to meet with other people that are his or her peers for a planned activity, and you still ensure that the purpose of individual attention is covered.
It may even be a prayer meeting for only the two of you. This should be part of your individual child’s mentorship and can include various activities to empower your child. It could even be their choice of that event or activity, and still, you will have created the opportunity to meet individual child needs raised by that individual child’s relationship with you.
Keep in mind that this is something you intend to make a lifestyle of in your parenting journey. The time will come when these children will not be available when you need them. At some point, they will be at school, and later they will be at work far from you. You are also aging, and the time you had at some point isn’t like now, or they are married and are also doing the same to their family. It’s when you still have this chance that you should maximize it. In your empty nest, you will be remembered so fondly. It may not be a physical engagement with you at that time because of so many reasons, but a regular phone call or other possible ways of checking on you will be available.
What you started doing in your individual child’s life during those years will pay you tomorrow for each child in a different way. As you know, you reap what you sow (Galatians 6:7-9). According to God’s word (1 Corinthians 15:58), there can never be any labor in vain. Time will pay off, and the measure you used might be the same measure you will receive, shaken together and overflowing (Luke 6:38). So start this habit now and never neglect meeting together. Practice it, and ensure your availability and consistency.
If things don’t work out the way you expected, put them before God, the author and finisher of everything. Ask Him to direct your steps, seek His counsel, and try to fit into your child’s life.
